byndogehk:

prismatic-bell:

HERE’S THE THING THOUGH

I used to work for a call center and I was doing a political survey and I called this number that was randomly generated for me and the way our system worked was voice-activated so when the other person said hello you’d get connected to them, so I just launch right into my “Harvard University and NPR blah blah blah” thing and then there’s this long pause and I think the person’s hung up even though I didn’t hear a click

And then I hear “you shouldn’t be able to call this number.”

So I apologize and go into the preset spiel about because we aren’t selling anything, etc. etc. and the answer I get is

“No, I know that. What I mean is that it should be impossible for you to call this number, and I need to know how you got it.”

I explain that it’s randomly generated and I’m very sorry for bothering him, and go to hang up. And before I can click terminate, I hear:

“Ma’am, this is a matter of national security.”

I accidentally called the director of the FBI.

My job got investigated because a computer randomly spit out a number to the Pentagon.

(Source: tastefullyoffensive, via morganjoycexo)

interquast:

men are honestly so dumb it’s enchanting

(Source: urie, via smilelikeyoureallytrulymeanit)

foreignpussy:

hkirkh:

godotal:

broken body

“I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.”

YOU DID NOT QUOTE SPONGEBOB AND MAKE IT SOUND POETIC AND BEAUTIFUL

(via smilelikeyoureallytrulymeanit)

(Source: adrianivashkov, via smilelikeyoureallytrulymeanit)

onlyblackgirl:

The history of film in one scene

(Source: frankoceanvevo, via fuckyeahilikechicks)

squidkneee:

PLEASE

(via champainemami)

(Source: 18004206969, via tumblaughter)

(Source: iraffiruse, via intangiable-oasis)

chirotus:

geekgirlsmash:

spookyaddiction:

motherfuckingurl:

powerviolent:

A CLOUD FELL?

Snow?

that is bubble soap. someone has made a tragic mistake

Let me tell you a story.

My mom had a hot tub, she traded a refrigerator for it. One day the water needed changed, and I went to her, the darling teenager that I was, and said, “Mom, can we put bubble bath in the hot tub?”

She looked at me like I’d lost my damned mind, a look that I got from my mom a lot.

“But, mom, we’re going to be changing the water!,” I insisted. 

She told me I could, so I called all of my friends, because dear god I was putting bubble bath in the fucking hot tub, and this might be the best thing I’d done in my entire life. And with a full size bottle of bubble bath in hand we all got in the hot tub, I upended the whole bottle, and turned on the jets. 

The bubbles started rising at an alarming rate, soon I could see nothing but bubbles because they’d engulfed my head. There was much laughter as we all got buried in the foam. After awhile I finally stood up. There were three feet of solid bubbles towering above the hot tub, the deck looked about like the picture above, there were bubbles in the trees, and wafting into my neighbors’ lawns. Everything was bubbles, and to date it still might be the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. 

I’m adding this to my bucket list

(via intangiable-oasis)

goddessprogress:

#Adulthood

(Source: sunflowersandgold, via intangiable-oasis)

gingahmuffin:

z33zy:

Stripper in Clearwater, FLA showing the judge that her bikini briefs were too large to expose her vagina to the undercover cops that arrested her. The case was dimissed.

YES GIRL GET IT

I will never not reblog this.

(Source: newyrye-blog, via intangiable-oasis)

(Source: itsdansheehan, via tumblaughter)

crissle:

because she was.

(Source: insimplygirlmind, via tumblaughter)

(Source: iwonderhowlongicanmakemyusername, via smilelikeyoureallytrulymeanit)

sadweens:

this party is invite only

(via intangiable-oasis)